Often, in our culture and society, we are told that self-care is selfish – that any focus you place on yourself, whether positive or negative, is egocentric and therefore looked down upon. Due to this, self-care practices are often disregarded and may not be an integral part of someone’s daily routine.
When someone in eating disorder treatment is struggling with the difference between self-care and selfishness, it is beneficial to approach this disconnection from a few different perspectives.
First, it is necessary to understand where this belief originates. Core beliefs that determine one’s behavior in life have developed due to past experiences. These core beliefs can lead to both freedom and self-destruction. The belief that self-care is selfish is a self-destructive core belief because it can cause wreckage in one’s life. It can cause one to neglect their needs, become so busy helping others that they become burnt out, or even become physically sick because they are not caring for themselves the way their body deserves.
Second, it would be beneficial to read what God says about self-care. While the term “self-care” was never used in the Bible, the general principle of self-care was discussed. There are biblical principles that align with caring for your body and recognizing it as a vessel that can be used by God.
1 Corinthians 6:19-20 says, “Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body.”
2 Timothy 2:21 says, “Therefore, if anyone cleanses himself from what is dishonorable, he will be a vessel for honorable use, set apart as holy, useful to the master of the house, ready for every good work.”
Next, once there is awareness and understanding that one’s needs are important and self-care isn’t selfish, it would be beneficial to create reframe statements to begin shifting those core beliefs to align more with truth. When someone is reframing their thoughts, they are actively choosing to renew their minds to become more like Christ. An example of a reframe statement could be: Taking care of my needs is important and brings honor to God.
Last, it is necessary to identify some self-care practices that would meet your current needs and begin participating in them daily. It will likely feel foreign in the beginning. However, if you continue to engage in them, then they will become more natural and a part of your daily routine.
So what is self-care?
Self-care is being mindful of how your body, mind, and soul feel, distinguishing what your needs are, and actively addressing those needs in a way that benefits you.
When you are engaging in self-care, you are being a good steward of the body that God has entrusted to you so that you are better able to serve others and honor God.
What does freedom to engage in self-care look like?
Waking up 20 minutes earlier to be able to read your Bible before your family wakes up
Going to bed early to ensure you are getting enough sleep
Saying no to plans with friends or family, even though they “really want you to go”
Drinking water
Sitting in silence
Getting your nails done or getting a facial
Reading a book
Doing something creative
Wearing clothes that are comfortable
Self-care will look different for everyone, and it may change depending on the season you are in. What matters is becoming aware of your needs and giving yourself permission to meet them without guilt or shame.
Caring for yourself is not selfish. It is an opportunity to honor the body, mind, and soul God has entrusted to you. As you practice caring for yourself, remember that you are not taking away from your ability to serve others—you are creating space to do so from a place of greater health, peace, and wholeness.